


The Fairy Wand

by doomtwinkie (shinysparks)



Category: Sleepy Hollow (TV)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Halloween, I blame inktober for this, I've had waaaaay too much caffeine, There's a plot here I swear, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, all inktober's fault, no really it was the inktober 2018 prompts that started this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-04 11:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16345919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinysparks/pseuds/doomtwinkie
Summary: Abbie and Ichabod find a magical fairy wand, which Icky then decides to play with. Hilarity ensues.(Art by me.)





	1. Spell

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Thymelady](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thymelady/gifts).



"I have made a grievous error, Leftenant," Crane told her, his voice shaky and hollow. 

Abbie said nothing. Instead, she stared at him, her hands over mouth, halfway between an "awwww!" and laughing her ass off. After all, it wasn't every day that one saw their partner's head explode in a flash of light and sparks, only to be replaced by that of a giant, bright orange jack-o-lantern.

"Didn't I tell you not to mess around with that fairy wand we found, Crane?" She asked him, doing everything she could to stifle her laughter, "fairies are tricksters, after all."

Crane sighed. There was a faint pumpkin spice odor when he did.

"My curiosity got the better of me, I'm afraid."  
"Uh-huh."  
"I have wondered for a while if we, being witnesses, possessed any magical powers. And then, suddenly, we had a magic wand..."  
"Ah."  
"The wand reacted the moment I touched it! All I did was caress the handle and the thing just... exploded in my hand!"

Abbie snorted.

"Have that problem a lot, Crane?"

Crane groaned. More pumpkin spice odor wafted through the air as he did. There was a moment of wet creaking and popping, and once it was over, one of his carved eyebrows had raised itself at her.

"I found a spell - a counter-curse, I believe," he said, showing her the ancient spellbook he carried in his other hand, "I would be delighted if you'd assist me, Leftenant."

It was Abbie's turn to sigh - thankfully, without the scent of pumpkin spice.

"Fine," she said, "on one condition, though."  
"Which is?"

Abbie smiled, pulling out her phone. With a few thumb movements, she opened the camera, and then leaned in close to her pumpkin-headed partner. She wrapped her arm around what remained of his neck.

"Oh god, not a _'selfie,'_ " he said, moaning in more pumpkin spice.  
"Say 'Halloween,' Crane!" she said, laughing...


	2. Chicken

Ichabod Crane was a ginormous cock.

At that moment, however, he was also covered in feathers.

Abbie groaned at the rooster in front of her, watching as her newly-feathered partner began to peck furiously at the gold buttons on his coat. In a huff, she grabbed up the fairy wand and the spellbook that had fallen to the floor when Crane had transformed in a whoosh of pink sparkles and feathers. The damned wand was still glowing a bit, and gave off a low twittering sound that Abbie swore sounded like giggling.

Abbie shook her head. She was certain that this was going to be one of those things that would be hilarious in hindsight; however, at the moment, it was anything but. Still, she fished her camera back out of her pocket and quickly snapped a few photos of the now-crowing Crane. "If we make it through this, I'm never letting you live this one down," she muttered to him.

Setting her phone down, Abbie began to paw through the spellbook that Crane had found, quickly realizing that it wasn't quite as ancient as she'd first assumed. In fact, she was pretty certain it was one of those cheesy witchcraft books that had been marketed to teenage girls back in the 90's. When she found the page that Crane had dog-eared, she was convinced of it, in fact.

"A spell to reflect what's in your heart?" She muttered, reading the name of the spell he'd failed spectacularly at performing. She then rolled her eyes dramatically. His so-called "counter-curse" was ridiculous at best. That he actually thought it would work as a counter-curse was even more ridiculous. And then, there was the fact it transformed him into a great big chicken...

"Probably has something to do with that whole 'being madly in love with me' thing, but being too chickenshit to actually say the words, doesn't it, Crane?"

Crane the rooster ignored her, ferociously attacking her carpet and yanking at the strands as if they were worms. Abbie groaned again.

"Well, this thing is useless," she said, tossing the book aside. She rubbed her forehead gently. Her head was beginning to ache terribly. "I wish I had some coffee right now," she muttered.

Suddenly, the fairy wand began to glow a bright blue and vibrated slightly in her hand. Blue sparkles erupted around her, and a cup of steaming hot coffee appeared in the air in front of her with a loud POP!

Abbie eyed the cup of coffee suspiciously as it floated in front of her. After all, the strange wand had turned Crane's head into a jack-o-lantern, and then completely transformed him into a chicken. She wasn't sure that anything the wand did could be completely trusted; however, the coffee did look good, and it smelled quite amazing.

"Oh, fuck it," she said, grabbing the cup and taking a long drink.

She stopped and took a breath, waiting for something weird to happen. However, nothing did. Instead, she breathed in its nice aroma, and recalled how perfect it had tasted. She licked her lips, and took another drink. _Yep, perfect,_ she thought.

Abbie eyed the cup, and then the wand, and then something clicked. She smirked, and then pointed the wand at the cup.

"I wish I had a _larger_ coffee," she said, "and a refill, too."

The wand glowed blue again, and sparkles flashed around the cup as it grew to twice it's side and filled back up with steaming hot coffee.

Abbie snorted.

"This damn thing takes everything _literally_. That's the trick. That's why it backfired on Crane so much," she said, shaking her head. She then stared down at Crane the rooster and smirked.

"Alright," she said, pointing the wand at her feathered friend, "time to break the curse..."


	3. Drooling

The ginormous cock had made her chase him.

Seeing the glowing wand being pointed at him had apparently spooked Crane greatly. He'd crowed loudly a few times, and then took off running throughout her house as fast as his two chicken legs could carry him - which ended up being a lot faster than Abbie ever expected. There was a flurry of feathers trailing behind him, and he crowed and squealed with every twist and turn he made.

He'd also dropped a few smelly surprises on her clean rug, likely out of sheer terror, that she nearly stepped in more than once. "You are _so_ cleaning this up when you're human again, Crane!" she growled at him.

Finally, she managed to corner him, and blasted him with the fairy wand, shouting "I WISH YOU WERE HUMAN AGAIN!" The wand glowed blue once more, and a beam of sparkly blue light erupted out of it. Crane the rooster squawked loudly as he was hit with a loud POP!

He inched out of the corner, quickly doubling, and then quadrupling his size. Wings grew into arms, and fingers sprouted from them. His tiny chicken legs grew longer. Feathers began to explode out of him one by one, until all that was left behind was a tall, lanky, and completely naked man lying drooling on the floor.

Abbie cackled, partially at the fact she'd been successful and partially at the fact that Crane was laying there in the nude. He had freckles on his rear, and there were still a few feathers sticking there. She tried hard to have willpower, to not capture his bespeckled posterior for posterity; however, she quickly failed. Taking out her phone, she snapped a few photos for good measure. _Jenny'll have a field day with these_ , she thought, giggling.

The clicking sound from her phone startled Crane, and his eyes shot open, staring back at her in utter shock and horror as Abbie stashed the phone back in her pocket. Quickly realizing that he was, in fact, completely butt naked, all of his cheeks began to blush furiously. Without moving, he eyed her, starting to quake with fear and very clear embarrassment.

"Welcome back," said Abbie, laughing.  
"Am... Am I... n...naked..." Crane stammered.  
"Oh yeah."  
"Not... um, not even smallclothes?"  
"Not a stitch, Crane."

Abbie smiled at him, clearly enjoying herself.

"My clothes... I need my..." He said, his fingers slowly crawling towards his coat.  
"Maybe put on some clean ones? I'm sure those smell a little like a barnyard animal at this point."  
"Ah. Right."  
"Just, you know, hop up and run for the bathroom. I'll close my eyes," Abbie said, smirking, "I won't peek."  
"Will you destroy that vile wand in the meantime?"

Abbie paused for a moment, looking at the wand with longing. The thing _was_ a bit evil; however, it also had the power to give her anything she wished for as well, now that she had figured out its secret.

"Sure," she finally said, even though she wasn't sure if she meant it, "you go change - maybe get a shower, too - and I'll go toss this in the neighbor's woodchipper. Don't worry about it."  
"Good plan," he said.  
"Alright, I'm closing my eyes. Go for it," Abbie said, shutting her eyes (but then reopening one as soon as he turned his back.)

Crane hopped up and flew through the house, bits of anatomy jiggling in the wind as he went.

And Abbie grinned from ear to ear...


End file.
